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The thing everybody seems to be saying is that being awesome to be around is the thing that gives you success in The Lifestyle. While we'd like to believe in that pleasant idea, our experience says that it isn't really true. Time and again, we see interesting profiles of non-porn-star-like (but nonetheless quite sexy) people garner little attention. And time and again, we see profiles of people who do look a little more porn-starry, but who's profile text -- if they have any at all -- is something stupid in more ways than one (like "I like too fuk. Do u2?") get a ton of comments on their wall with the sentiment "Wow...you seem really awesome! Are you going to be in [insert commenters city] soon? Write us and let us know!" While it's true that the second kind of people are often discovered to be unsatisfying after an actual meeting, the first kind of person often doesn't even GET to an actual meeting because everybody's so obsessed with hooking up with a porn-star-esque person.

People are self-thwarting that way. It's kind of like in politics. People say that they want politicians with helpful ideas that will make things better to run the show, but they act contrary to that idea. Rather, it's usually the politicians who excite the passions of people in some short-sighted way that are given public support, rather than politicians who will actually satisfy their passions in the long run by doing things that are truly important.

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Posted by: Gothicgranola | Feb 13, 2010 7:11:47 PM REPORT ABUSE

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@wedive

You should know that "bonor doner" has been copyrighted, trademarked, and made into a t-shirt! and can be yours for $19.95...... lol

...although now that I joke that would be a pretty cool t-shirt!

Thanks everyone for the response to the article, it is great to see our viewpoints are shared!

Mr. and Mrs Gentlenibbles

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Posted by: Gentlenibbles | Feb 10, 2009 7:06:43 PM REPORT ABUSE

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When I first entered the lifestyle, I immediately did two things: I checked out the pictures of the women on the website, and then I joined a gym.

I think that most women are hard on themselves when it comes to their bodies. I know some rock-hard hotties in the LS who want to lose weight! I know at least a half-dozen women who have had tummy tucks because, like me, their stomachs didn't bounce back after they had kids. Would they have gone to this extreme surgery if they weren't in the LS? Perhaps, but maybe not.

As a swinger girl, there's a lot of pressure to look porn-star hot. There are theme parties all over the place, and if you're a woman who is a size 10 or larger, good luck finding a "slutty" outfit you can fit into at Fascinations, Victoria's Secret or any clubwear site. Lucky for us, Frederick's understands that the majority of women in America have hips and tits (that are real) and need sexy little things that fit our bodies.

I do agree that it's a good thing to get comfortable with your weight and your body, or to at least learn how to fake that comfort. There is nothing that's more off putting than trying to fuck someone who won't get naked with you :).

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Posted by: redgems | Jan 23, 2009 7:32:13 PM REPORT ABUSE

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Great article! We workout for our health and for ourselves, not for any of you. True beauty comes from inside and we have found most people in the lifestyle get it.

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Posted by: TheBees | Jan 21, 2009 12:52:31 PM REPORT ABUSE

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The wife and I have been active in the lifestyle for about 3 years now and I know that is not long compared to other but we have visited many clubs while out of town and traveled to lifestyle resorts on vacation.
A few things have become very very clear to us. No matter what club we have been to (I think we have been to about 10 so far in various states) that the body types vary like flavors at a ice cream shop... The one thing we have noticed the most is that it doesnt matter as long as you feel good about yourself with or without clothing and that you have a lust and passion for the one you are with. Love and passion can truely be blind.
Another observation is that you could see the Ken and Barbie couple in the party but they may be the biggest posers in the room while the average couple next door could be the naughty fun loving life of the party.
I will say in closing that the couples we have been seeing as of late at clubs have been getting maybe a little bit more wholesome, meaning that the lifestyle is truely for everyone as it should be.

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Posted by: mgthunderhouse | Jan 17, 2009 9:49:12 AM REPORT ABUSE

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Couldn't agree more! There can be excessive emphasis on "taut, toned and polished" in some communities, but for most people confidence, kindness and enthusiasm outweighs a cover-model body any day!

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Posted by: Sinblossom | Jan 15, 2009 3:08:33 PM REPORT ABUSE

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Great article! Especially since the older "we" get - the harder it is for most people to maintain that 25 year old physique. In my experience, it is usually the ladies who are harder on other ladies as far as appearance than the guys are. Truth be told, "skinny" has never been our thing. We always say, "If you can't eat with us, we won't make good play partners". Being conscientious about your appearance is one thing, being limiting on pure "fun" is no fun.

We have actually had couples set out ground rules on how our play dates or travel with them would be by incorporating every 2 1/2 hour "breaks" for "shake time" and ordering specially prepared food and aggravating the waiter at restaurants - to the ever-appealing, hotel gym facility rats who can't party at the swing convention until they put in 2 hours on the treadmill....

As with everything else, moderation is the key. At the end of the day, its all about comfort and ease. I ain't a Barbie but - Heck - I'd do me!

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Posted by: CouplesTouch | Jan 15, 2009 12:17:00 PM REPORT ABUSE

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"Boner Donor".......thats pretty damn funny. In fact, somebody ought to steal that for a screen name!

Good job on the article -- we agree. To get the fullest enjoyment from swinging you have to be comfortable in your own skin first.

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Posted by: wedive | Jan 15, 2009 11:47:52 AM REPORT ABUSE

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Keeping a positive attitude definately helps. If you don't belive in yourself, not likely that anyone else will either.

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Posted by: montpython | Jan 13, 2009 4:20:25 PM REPORT ABUSE

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Amen to that!

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Posted by: Kasidie | Jan 13, 2009 3:26:56 PM REPORT ABUSE

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