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I agree with many of the other comments.

I do a lot of research and reading on human sexuality, from sex positive sources, as well as sex negative ones. The concept of "sexual addiction" seems to garner the most enthusiastic support among the sex negative folks, as well as those who are completely attached to the idea that the only moral expression of human sexuality is between a husband and a wife, and even then best not be too much.

I think the ultimate source of this issue is the sick way our society deals with it's own sexuality. Almost from birth, we teach women that good girls don't, and if they do they best not enjoy it, lest they carry the label of "Slut" around. We tell both genders that only lifelong monogamy works (despite the fact that more often than not, in fact it doesn't), and that alternative forms of sex such as oral sex or masturbation are wrong, gross, sick, perverted, or all of the above.

As a result, by the time we hit our early 20s, we've taught women to suppress their sexuality, and we've taught men to expect and respect the repression of their partners. So many men keep many aspects of their sexuality, their fantasies, and their desires to themselves, and many women deny the existence of those things at all, even to themselves.

Then something happens. A wife discovers porn on the computer, or a husband discloses a fantasy that is found to be abhorrent, or some other event that puts the huge difference of opinion between partners about how things "should be" front and center. Unfortunately, but predictably, many of the women who are comfortable with their repressed sexuality find that their mates attitudes are so far removed from theirs that it must be pathological. And if it's pathological, it's clearly not reasonable, certainly not normal, ergo it must be some kind of illness. Ergo, sexual addiction was born.

The very concept exists only to help sexually repressed people justify their position, label it as right, just, and moral, and to villify any dissent.

The good news is that things are getting better. Porn was once seen as only used by dirty old men, indeed in days gone by it was routinely prosecuted. Now it is mainstream, and considered by many to be just plain normal and prosecutions are rare or non-existent. The Lifestyle is growing by leaps and bounds, discrimination against homosexuals is on the decline, and sex positive expression is becoming more acceptable. We aren't there yet, but we're getting there. I was born in 1969. By the time the class of 2069 starts their lives, they'll look back on these backwards times with a chuckle and probably some genuine confusion.

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Posted by: CarnalConnect | Jan 17, 2009 4:07:21 PM REPORT ABUSE

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There is no such thing as addiction to sex. We are married couple and enjoy sex with each other as well as with other couples by swapping or exchanging partners for social and sexual intercourse.

It is a great way to enjoy life in its entirety, socially and sexually.

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Posted by: neal7310 | Jan 9, 2009 9:24:34 PM REPORT ABUSE

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i am also addicted to oxygen, water, food, and sleep. some addictions are healthy.

seriously though...i have always viewed the word "addiction" to mean that you will pursue a given "thing" to your own detriment because you have become chemically and/or psychologically dependent upon it to function normally. "to your own detriment" is the key phrase. when your pursuit of the "thing" becomes self-destructive and counter-productive, you have an addiction.

i have known people who have such a relationship with sex: whomever, whenever, wherever, however...don't give a damn about anything else, i just wanna fuck as much as humanly possible. i've seen them destroy their lives over it. i've seen it wreck careers, cars, marriages, relationships with children, and ruin the addict's health. that is pretty much the same model as alcoholism or drug addiction. but these folks are far more rare than alcoholics and drug addicts. just because you like sex more than the average joe or jane, and you are less inhibited about getting it or how you enjoy it does not mean you have a "problem." you have a problem when it starts causing problems and you can't slow down or make adjustments to fix the problems it is causing.

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Posted by: flycupl | Jan 6, 2009 12:16:37 AM REPORT ABUSE

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This is the case for me... my wife (who is quite anti-sex) diagnosed me as being a sex addict... I think she got support from her position by reading what she wanted to read... i.e., that she was o.k. for not wanting a sex life, but that I was a perve for having sex interests.

james

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Posted by: Senthusiast | Jan 4, 2009 8:51:44 AM REPORT ABUSE

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Nice to know that one more fellow sexologist/sex therapist understands that sex addiction (together with some of the more "modern/ in vogue addictions" are nothing more than a moral commentary designed to "pathologize" sexual behavior and bring about some form of conformity to today's sexual zeitgeist (however, no one can define what that zeitgeist is...)
Can some individuals be obsessed by sex? f course, but that is not an addiction. Do some individuals use sex as a replacement for emotional involvement and commitment? Indeed, but that is not addiction.
I'll end by suggesting (as the author does..) that there is a tremendous need for comprehensive and integral sex education.
Cheers!
DrZiggy

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Posted by: Drziggy | Jan 1, 2009 12:55:05 AM REPORT ABUSE

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We are swingers and both have a very high sex drive. we are both Madley in love with each other. In saying that I (the women) is bisexual and am very proud of who I am and not afraid to tell public or family and friends. I did enjoy your article on sex addition but in definition are we addicts? We go to swinger parties alot and enjoy our sexuality personally I feel ppl should enjoy there whole being and embrace that for all levels to be explored. Having an orgasm to me is VERY healthy and cleanses the body! am I wrong? really if someone says to me your a sex addict my response to that is "Hell yes!" but for it to be a "problem" NO!

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Posted by: HeatSherman | Feb 13, 2008 8:09:54 AM REPORT ABUSE

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