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It doesn't seem quite correct to say that a different standard of morality is applied by many vanillas to swingers when it comes to sex outside of a primary relationship. Rather, it seems like it's just that vanillas who think extra-marital sex is immoral see things like this: Normally monogamous cheaters have slipped into bad behavior because they lost their internal moral battle, whereas swingers have just decided they don't care about being moral and have become bad as a way of life. So swingers are viewed more harshly because they are seen as not even TRYING to be good. Nothing inconsistent about that.

There's something WRONG with that, just nothing INCONSISTENT (which is what you implied there). The general spirit of your argument -- that it is craziness to think that the problem with cheating lies in the non-monogamous sex itself rather than in the betrayal -- still seems spot-on! It reminds us of a story we heard on the internets one time: A certain ex-christian realized that there was something truly dysfunctional about christianity when he realized that the law-abiding person who asks God to give him a bike every day is not as good a christian as the person who just steals someone else's bike and then begs God's forgiveness for being weak.

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Posted by: Gothicgranola | Feb 11, 2010 6:48:21 PM REPORT ABUSE

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Bravo to a brilliant and inspiring read.

Two thumbs up...

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Posted by: nikkibastion | Feb 6, 2010 11:20:31 PM REPORT ABUSE

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Amen to that!

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Posted by: Kasidie | Sep 3, 2008 6:44:32 AM REPORT ABUSE

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