Auguste Rodan's "Thinker"

In a country where blame has become the means to excuse one's self from responsibility, pointing a finger at others, or even some unseen force of nature has almost become the national pastime. Rather than be accountable for our own choices, many Americans have learned that they can conveniently find fault elsewhere. Are you overweight? Well it must be a reaction to the pressure that society has unjustly put on you to be model-thin. Perhaps you didn't get that puppy you wanted for your 12th birthday or you find comfort in food because you were inappropriately touched when you were a kid. Maybe you have an abusive spouse, or you're depressed, or maybe your planets are just out of line. To admit a willing contribution to a spike in Haagen Dazs stock or that your exercise regimen consists of chewing and R.E.M. would force people to make some difficult choices, and present options which may lay outside of our comfort zones. More importantly, it would require honesty when we are self-evaluating. It's easier self appease by laying blame elsewhere rather than be responsible and doing the work it takes to correct the course. Without honesty, there can be no introspection.

“A charge of immorality is directed at those who are sexually active when the truth is, the frequency and the manner in which consenting adults enjoy sex and their morality are mutually exclusive to one another.”

Not to make light of those who have legitimate reasons for their unfortunate circumstances, the self-help industry has created an atmosphere where it has become easy for people to avoid truthful reflection, and engage in self-deceit. This culture of blame is how they sustain their multi million-dollar business, and nowhere is this example more apparent than how people are taught to treat their sexuality. In the contemporary Mars/Venus culture, the traditional role of the sexes are such that women feel they can never be open or honest about their sexual wants, needs and desires, and as a result both men and women often blame one another for their lack of sexual fulfillment. The world we live in unfavorably labels sexually empowered women, and makes them face the retribution of a self-help culture that refuses to be honest. A charge of immorality is directed at those who are sexually active when the truth is, the frequency and the manner in which consenting adults enjoy sex and their morality are mutually exclusive to one another. It can be argued (I will certainly agree) that the more sexually inactive a person is, the more apt they are to become self righteous, angry and indignant, while a gratifying sex life tends to lead one toward a more contented and relaxed approach to human interaction.

"Introspection", original artwork by GamerGirl

Normal, average everyday people who have otherwise functioning libidos enjoy television. Literally millions of professional and home oriented women, wives and mothers, both young and old, are drawn to this socially accepted medium, yet what they tend to enjoy watching seems to be in conflict with their moral cover. Using code words such as "steamy" or "provocative", daytime television, from Soap Operas to Talk Shows is littered with sexual content, all there for public viewing. The story lines in every daytime drama center around illicit sex and in fact, the amount of extra marital fornicating that occurs during an hour on any major network rivals any adult oriented film. On a daily basis women watch what amount to porn with the sex scenes deleted as they continue to be not only interested but also turned on. All of this occurs under the guise of "normal" entertainment. Yet if many of them were confronted with the same actors in the same storylines actually having the sex that makes them want to watch in the first place, many would run for cover.

What people, (and women in particular) are taught to perceive as immoral is basically the same thing that we are all presently using for entertainment, only without any exposed genitalia. What do we all think is happening when networks come back from commercial and the couple that just had their tongues rammed down each other's throats is now naked and under the covers? Are they looking for a contact lens?

“Admitting a sexual proclivity that falls outside of the self-help comfort zone makes one extremely vulnerable to moral evaluation, even though what lies within that comfort zone for many is considered boring.”

So sex on television is morally O.K. if it is implied, as long as we don't see it? Television shows such as Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy continue to excel in the ratings taking advantage of these types of adulterous storylines, or would people have us believe that they watch for the in depth plot twists and brilliant dialogue? Certainly one must be truthful to admit that family oriented conjugal couplings are not what make these shows an appealing form of entertainment. Why then is porn viewed to be "dirty" or immoral, when it seams that the sexual aspect of these shows is what draws people to them in massive numbers? Why are women afraid in this day and age to admit that they are receiving a vicarious thrill from other people's clandestine exploits, and have to pretend they are watching something more respectable than they actually are? Why do women feel they have to be in a state of denial? Without honesty, there is no introspection.

When people are forced to confront their own sexuality, self-appraisal becomes more dishonest, and the hypocrisy becomes worse. Women often feel compelled to hide their desires or shut off their libidos rather than open themselves up to judgment from an outside world that doesn't view sex favorably. Guilt over having been taught that their natural inclinations are immoral, more often than not women will not only agree with these perceptions, but also be the ones pointing an accusing finger. This is all despite our natural impulses. Admitting a sexual proclivity that falls outside of the self-help comfort zone makes one extremely vulnerable to moral evaluation, even though what lies within that comfort zone for many is considered boring. This is why so many women seek surrogate gratification through television, and often food.

As Americans we can look to various other cultures in the world and judge the way the treat women as barbaric. In the Middle East women are made to cover up their entire bodies, and in some societies, the female half of the population are even considered property. Here in the evolved west we have created laws to protect women from physical harm, but psychologically, women are still held to a different moral standard than men. The thought of a woman relegating herself to second class citizenship in any other way shape or form in today's America would be considered ludicrous, yet women continue to allow that to happen with their sexuality. The translations from other cultures in our country's melting pot may have made tremendous strides on many fronts, but women are still made to bear the burden of guilt sexually.

“This country, which lauds freedom above all else, continues to deny women the liberty to exercise their freedom of sexual expression.”

If we are going to operate from the premise that the best marriages are those where two people have an equal partnership, we must all ask ourselves to be honest about sexual bigotry. True equality cannot occur when one half of the population is held to a different social standard. This country, which lauds freedom above all else, continues to deny women the liberty to exercise their freedom of sexual expression. By ignorantly applying morality to sexuality, the self-help industry has continued the oppression from other cultures. This, of course, translates poorly into modern marriage where the dynamics have changed in every way except for the way women are taught to view intimacy. In very many ways, women are still playing catch up.

If one doesn't find a way to express their desires, their frustration will surely seek expression elsewhere. The toll this can take on a marriage can be devastating. For these partnerships to exist, people need to have the ability to be sincere when being subjective. Only then can they hope to be candid with their spouse, and be able to ask that in return. But without honesty, there can be no introspection.

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