You may think that your private sexual activities are no one else's business, right?
Wrong! So before you start getting your freak on, you may want to consider where you are. You may be breaking the law!

Here are some true sex laws from around the USA.

in Romboch, Virginia...

It's illegal to engage in sexual activity with the lights on.

Kasidie says... Open a "Night-Vision Goggles Emporium" in this town and you'll make a fortune!

in Bozeman, Montana...

All sexual activity is banned between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown if they're nude.

Kasidie says... Either have sex in your yard before sunset... Keep just your socks on... Or make sure your sex partner is the same sex as you.

in Helena, Montana...

A law mandates that a woman can't dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.

Kasidie says... Two Words: Lead Pasties

In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture. Artwork by T.J. Kirsch.

in Skullbone, Tennessee...

A law bans a woman from "pleasuring a man" while he is sitting behind the wheel of any moving vehicle.

Kasidie says... If you're pulled over for this, you can always argue that it wasn't very "pleasurable".

in Washington D.C....

The only acceptable sexual position is the missionary position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal.

Kasidie says... So THAT's why so many politicians look bored on CSPAN!

in Newcastle, Wyoming...

An ordinance specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in meat freezer!

Kasidie says... Are threesomes in the freezer still ok?

in Massachusetts...

At a rodeo it is illegal to have sex with a rodeo clown in the presence of horses.

Kasidie says... Have sex with a circus clown at the rodeo instead. A mime would be acceptable too.

in Connorsville, Wisconsin...

No man shall shoot off a gun while his female partner is having a sexual orgasm.

Kasidie says... In the Kama Sutra, this is maneuver is more commonly known as "The Yosemite Sam"

in Tremonton, Utah...

No woman is allowed to have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance. In addition to normal charges, the woman's name will be published in the local newspaper. The man will not receive any punishment.

Kasidie says... We'd pay good money to hear the story behind the writing of that law!

in Washington...

Having sex with a virgin is against the law under any circumstances, including the wedding night.

Kasidie says... In a related story, Washington's borders were flooded by women seeking refuge in Oregon

in Nevada...

It is illegal for any member of the Nevada Legislature to conduct official business wearing a penis costume while the legislature is in session.

Kasidie says... What's the point of going into a career in politics if you can't dress up like a penis!?

Pennsylvania bans oral sex while wearing low quality brands of lipstick; It has been determined that low quality lipstick is a cause for penis cancer. Artwork by T.J. Kirsch.

in Arizona, Florida, Idaho, Indiana, Massachusetts, Mississippi, Nebraska, Nevada, New York, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, South Dakota, Tennessee, Utah, Vermont, Washington D.C. and Wisconsin...

It is illegal for a man to have an erection that is visible through his clothing.

Kasidie says... We'd expect this kind of sexual discrimination from Arizona, Florida, Idaho, Indiana, Massachusetts, Mississippi, Nebraska, Nevada, New York, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, South Dakota, Tennessee, Utah, Vermont, and Washington D.C... But not Wisconsin!

in Kingsville, Texas...

It is against the law for two pigs having sex on airport property.

Kasidie says... Who is legally considered at fault in this situation?

in Fairbanks, Alaska...

Moose may not have sex on city streets.

Kasidie says... World's Most Dangerous Jobs #32: Professional Moose Sex Interrupter.

in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania...

It is illegal to have sex with a truck driver inside a toll booth.

Kasidie says... Yet it's totally legal to have sex with a toll booth operator inside a truck... How unfair!

in Ventura, California...

Cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit.

Kasidie says... "Sit!... Stay!... Sign the legal document!... No, write your full legal name!... Bad dog! Bad! No sex for you!"

in Utah...

Sex with an animal is NOT considered sodomy unless performed for profit.

Kasidie says... Another victory for animal rights!

in Florida...

Sex with a porcupine is illegal.

Kasidie says... The punishment for this crime is sex with two porcupines.

In Cleveland, Ohio, women are not allowed to wear patent-leather shoes because a man might see the reflection of something he shouldn't. Artwork by T.J. Kirsch.

in Minnesota...

It is illegal for any man to have sexual intercourse with a live fish.

Kasidie says... Is it still illegal if the fish isn't alive by the time he finishes?

in Willowdale, Oregon...

No man may curse while having sex with his wife.

Kasidie says... "Oh yeah, baby! It feels so good when my 'yogurt hose' goes 'boom-boom' in your 'protein receptacle'!"

in Indiana...

Mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a "tendency to habitually kiss other humans"

Kasidie says... FACT: Indiana is the state with the lowest number of Tom Selleck impersonators per capita.

in Georgia...

It is illegal to purchase or possess "Marital Aides" (vibrators, dildos, etc.)

Kasidie says... So as long as you're not married, it's ok to buy "Single Aides"?

in Utah...

Masturbation is considered sodomy and can lead to imprisonment.

Kasidie says... Good thinking! Throwing people in prison will keep them away from any more sodomy!

We at Kasidie would like to thank this country's past and present lawmakers for keeping us safe from dangers like rodeo clown copulating and promiscuous porcupines. It's good to see our tax dollars hard at work!

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