Their pussies have been lased, waxed, shaped and shaved, decorated, fragranced, pierced and prettied-up. You wouldn't know it by looking at them in their bathing suits. Their female genitalia presumably look like everyone else's who are hanging out at the hotel pool. But most people don't know what "we" know.

Yes, that's us, the we with the little quotes. We're the "we" who get to see more than our fair share of naked people – "we" who play in the lifestyle. We never presume that under a thong or bikini bottom there is an ordinary pussy. When you've seen what we've seen, it is safer to assume that under a swinger's ordinary clothes lays an extraordinary pussy. Her pussy décor may be dainty, may be daring, but definitely is not ordinary.

This is my general mindset as I'm scoping out the couples who are clustered in small groups around the pool at the hotel where we were staying. We were visiting L.A. for a lifestyle friendly event. Read that carefully. That means, not a take-over. Therefore, one wrong move and I've just outed myself to some attractive, out-of-town insurance conventioneers discussing the finer points of... whatever it is insurance people discuss.

Pussy maintenance becomes a critical component of the weeding out process; determining who the lifestyle versus non-lifestyle couples are. First, I take extra care in my own shaving and grooming regimen, using the full complement of gels, creams and lotions to maximize smoothness, tone and tan. I choose my bathing suit carefully to allow maximum exposure without traumatizing the families and Vanillas around the pool.

“Pussy maintenance becomes a critical component
of the weeding out process; determining who the
lifestyle versus non-lifestyle couples are.”

After some keen observations, we've zeroed in on some couples who seem to fit the lifestyle profile. After a few jokes, taunts, and teases we pull our chaises and chairs together and form a group that has now expanded to include ten of us. The cocktails start flowing and the ladies begin the complimenting rituals. If non-swingers have slipped through the cracks and have not been weeded out at this juncture, they are going to be in for a wild ride. The girls compliment one another on their bathing suits, being sure to touch the fabric. Then we move on to obvious body piercings, tattoos and embellishments. It is at this point that we all praise the various achievements of one another's plastic surgeons. This usually leads to some discreet touching, "See, don't they feel so real?" There is always a natural or two in the group garnering everyone's awe and admiration.

Sometimes it's clear who will be the first to show off; other times it's a surprise. But inevitably, someone starts to show off their cuneal craftiness, their genital garnishments, their vaginal variability, their fun-box finery. The ladies start showing off their lovely goodies.

“Inevitably, someone starts to show off their cuneal craftiness, their genital garnishments, their vaginal variability, their fun-box finery.”

In our case, it was Miss H. In the course of giving us a walk-through of her piercings, we went down the predictable path of obvious to least obvious locations. She pulled her bikini bottoms aside and revealed a manicured wonder of womanliness. She had a dainty little landing strip, the edges perfectly circumscribed with diamond point precision previously only known in elite German engineering. Her rosy clit emerged between two silky-smooth lips and was restrained by a small, silver clit ring.

Petite Miss T. pulled her bottoms down from the top, seamlessly segueing from Miss H's clit ring to her own clit piercing. She pointed out her anatomical variability that suited her for a vertical bar versus a ring. So, running her fingers along her smartly waxed strip, she opened up to give us a view of her diamond studded clit bar. With the two of them sitting there with their meticulous, sparkling, shining adornments displayed, I felt like a kid staring at the wonder and spectacle of a Macy's Department Store Christmas window display. I wouldn't have been surprised if a little animatronic elf had appeared from behind a labia and started vibrating against her clit. Of course, it didn't. But the conversation did turn to vibrators, dildos and jeweled butt plugs.

I loved the spontaneous fun and openness of making new friends and I loved the pussy show and tell game. But to be honest, I'm glad that the topic turned before I was on the spot to show my pussy. I'm not ashamed. It's sleek and shaved all the way. My alibi, if I'd had to show and tell, was going to be that I kept it clean and simple so that it didn't distract from the long, lean lines of my 5'9" frame – sort of an athletic, aerodynamic look. I didn't want to tell the truth. I tried to shave a dainty little landing strip on my own. The problem was that I kept getting it crooked. By the time I got it even, I was down to six hairs. I had no choice but to take it all off.

But don't tell. I don't want to take away the mystery and fun of guessing what pretty pussies are inside those lifestyle women's bikini bottoms...

Shaved, shaped, lased, waxed, pierced, tattooed, fragranced, decorated, tanned...

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