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 FEATURE March 2008 

Sexual World Records

Go for the gold or just experience the thrill of participation...

We at Kasidie Magazine would like to take the time to salute those people who have gone that extra mile when it comes to all things sexual. They've boldly pushed the boundaries of human carnality and courageously stuck their accomplishments into the glory hole of history!

Most Ejaculations for a Male in One Hour...
He would have gone for 17, but his balls imploded.

Most Orgasms for a Female in One Hour...
Does the same woman hold the record for most faked orgasms...mmmm?

Farthest recorded Distance of a female ejaculation (a.k.a. 'Squirting')...
9 feet, 10 inches.
She's tried a career as a fire-fighter... But too many people kept burning down their houses on purpose.

World's Largest Orgy

The World's Largest Orgy - 500 people

Farthest Recorded Distance of a Male Ejaculation...
18 feet, 9 inches. Achieved with a "substantial" amount of seminal fluid by Mr. Horst Schultz.
Which is why everyone always stands at least 18 feet, 10 inches away from Mr. Horst Shultz.

World's Largest Orgy...
500 Japanese people (250 women and 250 men) were filmed having sex simultaneously in a large warehouse in the summer of 2006 for the adult DVD: 500 Sex!
It was undoubtedly both the most organized and efficient orgy ever... Seriously, look at the freakin' photo!

Fastest Recorded Speed of a Male Ejaculation...
28 miles per hour.
The average top running speed of an adult human is 15 miles per hour... So don't even try to outrun semen!

Most Semen Swallowed by a Person...
A Los Angeles woman had 1.7 pints of semen pumped from her stomach in 1991.
When reached for comment the woman said, "Well, I'm never eating at THAT restaurant again!"

Oldest Sex Toy

A 28,000 year old dildo

Largest Gang-Bang Record for a Female...
The record is currently held by a porn actress named Houston who had intercourse with 620 men over the course of 10 hours.
Overheard from a male participant of the gang-bang: "Darn it! Why do I always get sloppy five hundred and sixty seconds!?"

Largest Gang-Bang Record for a Male...
Held by porn actor Jon Dough who had sex with 55 women in one day during the filming of World's Luckiest Man. He had 5 to 6 ejaculations.
Unfortunately, Jon Dough's next film, A Month to Recuperate, was a huge flop.

Oldest Sex Toy...
An eight inch long stone phallus dated to be about 28,000 years old, was found by German archeologists in the Hohle Fels Cave near Ulm. Scientists believe it may well have been used as a sex aid by its Ice Age makers.
28,000 years old? Most of our sex toys break after six months!

World's Biggest Dick

Jonah Falcon -World's Biggest Dick

Longest Continuous Masturbation Session...
Female: 6 hours, 30 minutes. Male: 8 hours, 30 minutes. Both records were set at the annual San Francisco "Masturbate-a-thon" to raise money for The Center For Sex and Culture.
Talk about "beating" the record!

Most Frequent Sex for a Male...
One man claims to have had intercourse about 52,000 times over a period of 30 years. That's an average of 33.3 times a week! 4.7 times a day!
This man also holds the record for either "World's Best Pickup Line" or "World's Biggest Liar"

World's Largest Human Penis...
The current living record is 13.5 inches erect / 9 inches flaccid. This mammoth member belongs to American actor and talk show host Jonah Cardeli Falcon.
Jonah's most successful pick up line: "Hi. Look down."

Largest (Or Most Flexible) Vagina...
A Los Angeles woman could without preparation, completely insert a lubricated American football into her vagina.
She signed a multiyear contract with the Rams.

Ironic Pope

The ironically named, Pope Innocent VIII

Most Sexually Offensive Name for a Cocktail...
The 'Cunt Pump' is a drink available in a few select New York bars. It contains: tomato juice, a double shot of vodka, a spoonful of French mustard and a dash of lime. It is not mixed, but served with a tampon.
We recommend washing this down with a 'Royal Douche', which consists of Crown Royal on the rocks, with a splash of Summer's Eve for freshness.

Longest Human Clitoris...
In the book The Sexual Anatomy of Women, W. Francis Benedict claims to have met woman with a 12 inch clitoris.
Hey Francis, did you check to see if that woman had balls and an Adam's apple too?

Most Ironically Named Pope...
Pope Innocent VIII (1484-92) sired eight illegitimate sons and probably as many daughters, of whom he openly acknowledged. His reign as Pope was known as 'The Golden Age of Bastards'. On his deathbed he requested a wet nurse in order to fulfil his dying wish - Fresh milk from a woman's breast.
His death was recreated in the film: Vatican Titty; Wet and Willing Nurses

Priciest Prostitute...
It is reported that in 283 BC a Greek prostitute named Lamia was paid 25.8 kg. of gold for her services. The value of gold at the time was $313 an ounce... That's 64.9 million dollars!!!
Judging by the price, she must have been the inventor of "Greek" sex... And she was very very good at it too.

Oldest Stripper

Lena - The World's Oldest Stripper

Highest Grossing Porno Film...
Filmed over six days, 1972's Deep Throat cost $22,000 to make, but took in a whopping 100 million dollars!
That's 10 million dollars an inch!

Greatest Number of Breasts...
In 1886, Dr, P.J. Stoyanoff reported examining a Polish woman who had 10 functioning breasts which could all produce milk.
Which is probably where we get the expression: "Why pay for milk when I can get the lactating Polish woman with ten breasts for free?"

World's Oldest Stripper...
A 74 year old woman named Lena from the United Kingdom has been stripping for 25 years. She has seven children and ten grandchildren.
If this stripping granny offers to give you a handful of 'hard candy', make sure you're absolutely clear on what she means.

Most Unlikely Porn Star...
When wheelchair-bound woman with a muscle control disorder called ataxia complained that disabled people were never featured in adult films, a porn producer decided to hold a casting call for aspiring disabled porn stars. The woman who originally filed the complaint was the only one to show up. She became known as 'Encarta' and stared in the porn film Breaking Barriers.
Steven Hawking soon followed in his porno debut: A Brief History of My Taint; Big Banging Black Holes

South Korea's Loveland

A bench at South Korea's Love Land theme park

Most Expensive Porn Film...
2005's Pirates by Adam & Eve Productions, was filmed in HD with Hollywood caliber sets, costumes, sound and special effects. It's total production cost was over one million dollars. It was released as a 3-disk set and retailed at $70.
After spending all that money, it's a shame that most of us are still going just going to fast-forward straight to the sex scenes.

Most Perverted Theme Park...
South Korea's 'Love Land' is an outdoor sculpture park which is focused on a theme of sex. It features 140 sculptures representing humans in various sexual positions, large penis statues, stone vaginas, and interactive "rides" such as a "masturbation-cycle."
Least popular ride: "The Bukkake Bumper Boats".

Strangest Sleep Disorder...
Sexsomnia is an actual medical condition that causes people to commit sexual acts while they are asleep. People suffering from this condition usually have no recollection of the sexual act after they wake up.
If your friends are constantly offering to take a nap with you, this may be an indicator that you have sexsomnia.

Fucking, Austria

A road sign on the way to the town of Fucking.

Largest Collection of Penises...
The Icelandic Phallological Museum in Husavik, Iceland houses more than 150 penises of various mammals, including whales, bears, seals and walruses.
While the museum doesn't have any human penises yet, several people have pledged to be "organ" donors.

Greatest Name for a Town...
Fucking, Austria. Seriously, go ahead and Mapquest it.
The best thing about Mapquesting this town is all of the sponsored Fucking deals offered at the bottom of the page. They include deals on 'Fucking Hotels', 'Fucking Real Estate', 'Fucking Insurance' and 'Jobs in Fucking'.

So here's to you, Sexual Record Holders! You've set the bar very high for the rest of us...
Then masturbated on it from 10 feet away. Cheers!

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About the writer... From Kasidie, the Swingers Magazine
Mr. COUPLEDOINGIT is a handsome man and the creator of coupledoingit.com, an instructional website for swingers.
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