Opinions about Single Males at swinger events vary as much as any other subject in our lifestyle. Did you notice I said, "our" lifestyle, not "your" lifestyle? Single males are one of the many different types of play partners that people enjoy; and just like anything else, if that's not your thing then that's fine. However, single male "bashing" still seems to be a favorite pastime of many people in the swinging lifestyle.

Yes, I too am a single male (that felt like an AA statement). I am Jeff, the body painter from Club FA and the Swing 101 Classes in Los Angeles. I have been a single male in the lifestyle for many years and have been quite happy with my reception... for the most part.

I've seen, experienced and learned a lot over the years. I'd like to share what I've learned with you by taking this opportunity to talk about... and to... single males.

Why are Single Males Single?
Well, because that is where we are in life, whether it be by choice or by circumstance. I have heard on so many occasions, "Why can't you just get a girl?" Yeah, sure, I'd love to! Do you know how hard it is to meet someone who you share a mutual attraction with, wants to play with others and understands the lifestyle? That's why they're called "Unicorns". Finding a unicorn is not easy for anyone in the lifestyle, including single males... especially single males.

When a couple takes a unicorn on a date, they are usually looking for nothing more than a physical relationship with her. That's usually understood between all people involved. But when a single male takes a unicorn on a date, there is always the possibility of it turning into something more serious... something romantic... perhaps even a relationship. Of course that's not the case with every date we have, but my point is that we don't always have the luxury of taking things as casually as a couple can. So don't disrespect us simply because we don't currently have a girlfriend or wife.

Ask yourself, would you really prefer a single male to latch on to the very first girl that comes along simply so he can achieve "couple status"? There are those few single males out there who do exactly that. They use a girl who they aren't really interested in as a "meal ticket" to get into couples-only swinger events. It's difficult for me to believe that some couples will show more respect to a single male masquerading as part of a couple than they will to a single male who is open and honest about his status as a single.

So Why be in the Lifestyle at All?
Most, and I repeat, MOST single males are men who were once part of a couple in the lifestyle and for one reason or another the relationship did not work out. Breakups and divorces happen even to the best of us. Now we are single, but we still love the lifestyle and the friends we've made in it. The problem is that we cannot go to many of the functions that we once attended since most are "couples-only". I understand that this situation isn't at all personal, but it can still sting when you see so many of your friends attending parties that you can't. Regardless, there are many positive aspects of being a single male in the lifestyle. The friends you make, the couples and singles who enjoy playing with single guys (even though they may not publicly say so) and the fun events that do allow us, ultimately make it worth all the trash talk and drama some people give us... usually.

A Single Male's Perspective on Couples.
How do single males view couples? Well, I can only speak for myself, but I believe that most successful single males in the lifestyle will mirror my thoughts. For those of you who treat us warmly, we respect and love the fact that you are not put off only by our marital status. When I say "treat us warmly" I don't mean "play". I simply mean that you treat us like human beings.

But in a lifestyle that values itself as being "open minded", there are many who still walk by, give us dirty looks or ignore our "hello" simply because we are single. We don't expect anyone to fawn over us... but a little nicer would be great. Get to know a single male sometime. You will find we are generally very friendly, helpful and respectful; we know we walk a thin line.

Many of us see you couples in a light you may be unaware of. We look at you with a degree of envy. To see two people so in love and trusting of one another is an amazing and wonderful thing to see from a single point of view. We respect you tremendously for that. We also feel a certain degree of pride in belonging to a community in which such a thing is possible.

The Reality of Being Single in the Swinging Lifestyle
Swingles (both girls and guys) serve as toys for couples. Face it, they are not part of a couple's relationship. Does that mean they're not great people - heck no! But we've got to understand that when it comes to playtime, singles (male or female) are simply a fantasy, a toy, an outsider to play with and then send home. While this can be fun for everyone involved, at the end of the night it's the single who goes home to an empty bed.

So why is there so much animosity towards single males?
That's easy, there are some single males who just don't get it! They overly forward when emailing couples and insult them if they don't respond. Then there are some guys that, regardless of being single, are just flat-out assholes. These guys are idiots and I long for the day when they are singled out rather than grouped together to form a blanket opinion of all single males.

Sadly, because many single males become so used to receiving constant unwarranted hostility from couples, sometimes they will misinterpret a couple simply being nice to them as a sign of sexual interest. This mistake can result in an awkward (or worse) situation. This fear that simple human decency might be confused with sexual interest may be behind much of the hostility that some couples exhibit towards single males. They don't want to accidentally send the wrong signals by being nice, so they overcompensate by being as rude as possible. There is no rule that everyone is required to play with everyone... it's just the opposite, in fact. A proper single male totally understands that. A couples who are unnecessarily hostile towards all single males, are probably only making it more likely that a single male might wrongly interpret some future random act of kindness.

A Message to Other Single Males
Some couples (including some of my close friends) don't want to play with single males. That is there prerogative. Single males need to simply respect it, accept it and get over it! Don't take it personally. Don't try to rationalize it with idiotic thoughts such as "That husband is so insecure" or "They are afraid they might learn something", as those are indicative of exactly the kind of personality that nobody wants at a party.

A good rule of thumb for any single males who aren't sure how to act at a swinger party (especially a party filled with people you don't know very well), is this: Don't act like you are at a swinger party. No matter what is going on or how wild others are acting around you, your behavior should be that of someone attending a dignified vanilla dinner party. Be polite and helpful. Until someone else actively seeks to get you involved in something more, just focus on being the world's best party guest. Even if nobody gets you involved on that particular night, you will have made a lasting good impression and will more than likely be invited to future parties. Respect is everything when it comes to single males in the lifestyle. If we want couples to respect us, we need to show them how respectful we can be of them.

The plain truth of it is this – The lifestyle is a couples' world... with room for some good swingles. So live and let live. Be well, treat others well, and swing often.

Special Insert A Couple's Perspective on Single Males By Scott & Nicoleta First – Consider the difference between "single males" and "solo males". It's solo males who are often not allowed to attend a party. This holds true for a married guy with a hall pass as much as a single guy without a date. Second– Sadly, nearly all lifestyle couples have either experienced or heard stories about rude solo males. The ones that pose as a couple online, but show up at a party alone with excuses like, "My girlfriend got sick, but she told me I should still come". They post idiotic comments in online forums. They become indignant when couples politely say "No thanks." They might interrupt or monopolize conversations. They leer, over play areas, or even climb onto beds (uninvited) where couples are playing; These uber-jackass males may be in the minority when it comes to solo males in the lifestyle, but the immense drama created from these isolated incidents creates a ripple effect through the entire lifestyle community, which results in a general feeling of "It's not worth the potential hassle" among most couples. The Good News – Lifestyle couples are generally friendly. So while many may not feel comfortable with solo guys at a sexually charged party (and this comes as much from the ladies as from the guys in the couples), they may still want to be friendly. Married girls in particular are often looking to hook up swingle guys they know, like and trust. So give it time, relax, form friendships and you never know when a party host will decide "Oh yeah, we know that guy. He's cool and everyone really likes him. Let's make an exception and invite him to the party."

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