Dear Mrs. Luvable,
I've got news for you... you are a jealous person. But that's ok. We're all jealous people.
Even the most seasoned swingers are not totally immune to jealousy. It's perfectly healthy as long as you handle it properly. Discuss your feelings with your husband as soon as you feel them, even if you can't explain them. Otherwise, your jealousy could easily turn into something much worse. It's always perfectly ok to say, "This is how I'm feeling, but I don't know why." Perhaps your husband can give you some fresh perspective on the situation that you don't have. Let's face it, at times our mates knows us better than we do.
But if I may so humbly offer my own perspective... If your husband's interest in this woman was purely sexual, I'm guessing that you wouldn't be having these negative feelings. You're obviously quite secure with yourself as his lover. But now another woman is providing him with something that perhaps you are less secure about. You may be thinking to yourself "I wish he found me that funny" and it makes you angry. The simple truth is, none of us can be all things to all people. Unless you and marry your exact clone, there are always going to be people in this world who are better than you at relating to your spouse in certain areas. But that is ok. It doesn't mean that your spouse loves you any less. In fact, they will love you more because they will appreciate how incredible you are for letting them fulfil their social cravings for humor, sports, music, or whatever it is that you might not be as well versed in.
I think that deep down, the reason you have been avoiding getting to know this woman, is that you are terrified that you will like her. Frankly, it's harder to fear losing your husband to a hot woman who is a a total bore, an airhead or crazy bitch, because you know he'd never be interested in having a relationship someone like that. But does that mean you're only going to allow him become friends with women with terrible personalities? That's an awful thing to do! I would strongly suggest getting to know your husband's new friend. It sounds to me like she is reaching out and trying to form a connection with you. There must be some good reason why your husband is so fond of her. The better you get to know her, the less worried you will be about their friendship. Who knows, you could also develop a wonderful new best friend yourself..