Jon and Jaiya met in an environment where love doesn't have limits and their relationship has stayed that way ever since. Over the last eight years they have explored what works best for them. Early on Jon had sexual experiences that didn't include Jaiya. She felt like she was supposed to be mad at him about it, even though they had talked about it and agreed that it was okay. It was as if she was conditioned to be jealous and if she wasn't there was something wrong with her. Sometimes she felt the opposite. She would actually be turned on by the thought of Jon with another lover. This is called Compersion and is the opposite of jealousy.

Jaiya also experimented. At this time she was in college and there were plenty of opportunities to explore, but she felt more comfortable falling in love before engaging in sexual intercourse. And fall in love she did, with a homosexual man. He had never been with a woman before and it was a very new experience for both of them. Jon was very open and actually held space for the challenges that existed in the relationship. They are all still good friends to this day. Jaiya also felt that her libido was much higher than Jon's, especially after he went through an intense asthma attack that put him in the hospital. It got harder and harder for Jon to have intense sexual intimacy with her. So she sought out another lover to fulfill those needs. In their view, that is one of the wonderful things about having an open relationship, they don't have to rely on each other to get all of their needs met, nor do they have to end a perfectly good relationship just because they fall in love with someone else. Jaiya took on a younger lover. They had a very firry relationship full of passionate sex and big fights. Jon took on the role of a father-figure in the relationship and quickly became attached. The threesome traveled around the US teaching Tantra together, but things were not destined to last. Jaiya really wanted to have a baby. Jon just wasn't ready. Her young lover on the other hand was practically begging her to have a baby with him. She gave in, even though the relationship was rocky. She became pregnant, but miscarried about 2 months into the pregnancy. The same week of the miscarriage, which was devastating, her young lover left her and Jon to pursue another relationship. They were both floored by the combination of events. They needed a break. Jon's way of coping was to withdraw sexually, whereas Jaiya sought love and affection. They were both afraid that their relationship wouldn't recover.

In the meantime Jaiya and Jon's career life was taking off. They had a book entitled Red Hot Touch: A Head To Toe Handbook For Mind-blowing Orgasms which was being published by Random House, and they had moved to Los Angeles to film a DVD series based on the book. Their business life helped them to stay connected, but Jaiya desired physical closeness that didn't involve her work as a Tantric Massage Teacher. That is when she met Ian. They both loved to dance and Ian had been attending Ecstatic Dance classes in Venice for over a year as a way to not just move his body but also to help him move past a divorce. The night that they met, Jaiya had decided that she would not engage with any of the men in the room as a way to deeper explore her relationship to men. That didn't last long, even though she tried pushing them away, they just thought it was part of the dance. Ian approached her gently and before she knew it he had her flying through the air and flipping over his body in a sensual contact dance. It left her breathless and desiring more. They shared a three-way dance with another man before the night was over and Jaiya thought that it was a perfect metaphor for her relationships with men: she likes more than one. Two days later they met for their first date. Jaiya was sure that Ian was a pretty straight guy, not the polyamorous type. Little did she know but Ian had recently committed to delving into the polyamorous life style. Ian thought Jaiya was the innocent type, little did he know that she was a sex educator who lived very outside of the box. They were both pleasantly surprised to find that they fit great together and Ian was originally from Ohio too.

Jon was a little hesitant about Ian at first. He didn't want to get to know Ian because he didn't want to get close to anyone at that point. Ian was seeing another woman, so his relationship with Jaiya was very laid back. As time went on Ian and Jaiya became more and more serious about their relationship together. They decided to move into more of a primary relationship. Things between Jon and Jaiya got rough for awhile, he moved back home to Ohio to get a better sense of himself and what he really wanted. Jaiya and Ian began to plan for more of a future together. Ian was still dating other women and they were attending play parties together. They both were in a place of exploring sexually and it felt good to open up and see other people engaging in sexual freedom. How often do we really get a chance to see other people engaging sexually outside of pornography? It was incredibly freeing and satisfying for them to experience things like "cuddle parties" and "play parties".

Photos by Lawrence Lanoff Photography