Dear A. Vanilla,

I just received this question to my Ask Kasidie advice column.

We've been interested in trying a threesome or even swinging, but no matter how hard we try we can't find a good "break the ice" game. We've heard of various sexy variations of regular games, like strip poker, but we're looking for something more intense. Can you help?

I suggested they read our review of The Game from our September issue. However, I figured that with your encyclopedic knowledge of everything, you might know of some other sexually themed games that they could try.

Thanks for your help!

So nice to hear from you. I don't think we've spoken since the company's 4th of July BBQ when you failed to warn me that your guests would be skinny-dipping, and I fainted into the 7-layer dip. Please apologize to the other guests for me. More importantly, please ask your guests to apologize to me for not wearing any clothing. By the way, the dip was incredible. Can you send me the recipe?

As for your forwarded question, there are any number of sexualized board games based on existing popular games.

Flat On Your Backgammon
Basically the same as regular backgammon, except without the board, pieces, dice, rules or clothing... and you have sex with your opponent on the floor.

Mono-poly
Go from being Monogamous to Polygamous as you move around the game board collecting multiple spouses.

Extreme Risk
Box includes:
2 tickets to Thailand
1 package of faulty condoms

Chinese Czech Whores
Box includes:
1 Chinese prostitute
1 Czechoslovakian prostitute

Chesst
Similar to Chess, except played with only two pieces. I've never gotten the hang of this game, and often been reprimanded by my opponent exclaiming, "Nipples can't move like that!"

Connect Four Genitalia
To play, this game requires 4 players, or 2 hermaphrodites.

Lick'em Suck'em Robots
By pushing buttons on a pair of joysticks at the base of the platform, players attempt to make their robots orally pleasure each other.

Scat-agories
Box includes:
2 Girls
1 Cup

Horny Horny Hippos
Players frantically attempt to fit as many balls in their mouth as possible.

Breast Enlargement Operation
Carefully put 100cc of saline into the patient without touching the electrified sides.

Twist Her
Similar to the game Twister, this game eliminates the colored mat, adds several more body parts to the spinner, and is played in the the nude by contortionists. A typical game might sound like this:
(Spin) "Right hand on left breast..."
(Spin) "Mouth on right testicle..."
(Spin) "Left foot inside ass..."

Candy Landing Strip
Be the first player to shave your pubic hair into the shape of a lollipop.

Blouse Trap
A player turns the crank, which pushes a lever until it snaps back in place, hitting a swinging boot. The boot kicks over a bucket, sending a marble down a zig-zagging incline. The marble hits a vertical pole which is supporting a larger ball and knocking it into a bathtub. The ball falls through a hole in the tub onto one end of a seesaw. The seesaw catapults a diver on the other end into a tub... which should distract all of the women in the room long enough for you to take their tops off.

Super Taboo
Have a conversation with your vanilla friends and family and avoid saying anything about your deviant sex life.

Dom-inoes
Box includes:
28 Domino tiles
1 Dominatrix

Sincerely Yours,
A. Vanilla, Humble Genius