Years ago the National Bullies Coalition funded a series of experiments gauging the
effects of teasing in adolescent lab rats. It was discovered that physical scarring that
resulted from teasing rats was minimal to none; Especially when compared to the
massive bone fractures that sticks and stones caused (proven in an earlier study). In
fact, many of the rats who were most mercilessly teased by the scientists eventually
ended up starting multimillion dollar tech companies and dating all the hottest rats, while
the scientists themselves have mostly ended up working as middle-school P.E. teachers.
So simply being teased about being a metrosexual is nothing you should be too
concerned about... Actually BEING a metrosexual however, is something you should be
extremely concerned about!!!
When I began writing for Kasidie.com I was suddenly introduced to a world of very
foreign sexual concepts and ideas, many of which I find bizarre, perplexing or downright
frightening! – Swapping? Doggie-Style? The Clitoris? – These are all things I
never knew existed! I've really tried not to be judgmental about other people's weird
sexual fetishes... If someone wants to have sex with the lights on, that's their business,
no matter how wacky I think that sounds... But A. Vanilla must draw the line at
Sexual attraction to the public subway system is extremely dangerous business for
everyone involved! Metrosexuals like yourself are putting your lives and the lives
commuters in jeopardy every time you attempt to satisfy your carnal desires.
Ejaculating on the third rail is only one of the hundreds of ways that subway-humping
could kill you! Sure, many of us have fantasized about having sex with public
transportation... Some of us may have even experimented in our youth, rubbing up
against our school busses when nobody was looking... So shiny... So yellow... But with
time and therapy we all grow out of that phase!
I strongly urge that you and all other practicing metrosexuals seek counseling. Perhaps
your local church has anti-metrosexuality program that could help you repress these
desires and live a normal, wholesome life... But for the love of God, JUST WALK THERE!