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March 2008
Dear A. Vanilla,
What is "Scopulating?"
Sincerely,
J.J. Jones
Dear Triple J,
I see that someone has been reading my resume. How very flattering!
Scopulating (short for "Safe Copulating") is a love-making technique that I, Arthur Vanilla, devised several years ago and published in my book: Sex Tips for Squeamish People. I'm pleased to say that scopulating has been praised by NOT ME (National Organization of Timid Moral Elitists) as being the "Safest Sex Technique Ever Invented". They have even lobbied congress to fund a multi-million dollar program to teach scopulating in public schools, in an effort to keep our children from being traumatized by the more icky type of sexual education.
Here's is a brief explanation of how to scopulate:
So next time you feel those carnal urges, there's no need to go mashing your genitalia together with other people's genitalia. Just try scopulating instead. It's easy, it's fun, and best of all, you don't even need another person!
Sincerely Yours,
A. Vanilla, Humble Genius
P.S. Although NOT ME does consider scopulating to be a preferable alternative to conventional sexual intercourse, they do not endorse doing it in public. Scopulating is still shameful act that should only be practiced in the privacy of your own home... After you are married.
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